The different worldviews that our society presents us have either led to a shallow, careless, or exaggerated view of sex. This entry focuses on the different perspective that the gospel brings to the conversation of sex in our society.
This piece is part of a series exploring the topic of Sex in Marriage, building on ideas introduced in this post.
Harmonization of Sex (The Biblical Perspective)
If some idolize, and others demonize, and yet others trivialize sex, what then is the most comprehensive, useful, and ethical worldview of sex? Since I have tried to alliterate the views, I am going to call it “Harmonize” as it includes the idea that something harmonious is something consistent, compatible, and congruent (yet another alliteration.) But what this basically means is that the Bible gives us a better answer as to how we can view sex. The Bible does give us a comprehensive sexual ethic. It would take a lot of time to describe all that in this post, but I do want to make 2 basic points on how the Bible harmonizes the worldview of sex:
Contained in Marriage
First, God contains sex in marriage. We see throughout the Bible that sex should be between a man and a woman in a committed marriage. The question is asked, doesn’t this do the opposite of making it harmonious? Doesn’t this make it restrictive and suppressive? Not at all. The Christian worldview of sex is not restrictive, but rather it is contained. And those are very different. There is a useful example that has been given by many people; fire. Fire can be harmonious and destructive. It all depends on how it’s used. If you light up a fire and let it loose, it becomes a wildfire. I live in California, and we are used to wildfires. They destroy and harm. They burn down houses and homes, and at times kill. It’s so harmful and destructive that laws have been placed in certain areas of the state that prohibit people from grilling food outdoors. However, if you contain the fire, the fire can be useful; it can cook and feed you, and it can give you warmth and pleasure.
Purposes of Sex
The Biblical worldview of sex is not only harmonious because it’s contained in marriage but also because it serves total countercultural purposes. You see, our society would say that the purpose of sex is recreational at its core. You should do it because you are a sexual being and you should try and find your satisfaction, go take it however you see fit. It’s very recreational in nature.
But the Bible disagrees with this, according to Sam Allberry, author of “Why does God care who I sleep with?” we can see that the Bible gives sex at least 3 purposes: Serving, Self-Giving, Oneness.
For the purpose of Serving
The Biblical worldview of sex is not only harmonious because it’s contained in marriage but also because it has a purpose of Serving, rather than taking. The Bible says that we ought to serve one another, especially in our marriages. Paul says it the following way:
3 A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. 4 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control. — 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Notice how Paul lets us know that our bodies are not our own. One can easily say that they belong to God, and that is true. However, in the context of sex in marriage, our bodies belong to our spouse. The Bible provides insight into how sex serves our spouses rather than takes from them. As one spouse serves the other, the other doesn’t take but receives, and vice versa.
Paul goes on to say that even the lack of sex is a form of selfishness (v.5) and doesn’t serve the purpose of giving to our spouses. It’s okay to stop having sexual intercourse as long as both parties agree to it, and only for the purpose of prayer and to focus on God, but then the shocking thing verse 5 says is that it’s not that God doesn’t want us to have sex with our spouses, but that, interestingly enough, it’s the devil who seems to be against sex.
I don’t see how any of this is restrictive and suppressive. In marriage, there is a harmonious and unrestrictive way to express the gift of sex.
For the purpose of Self-Giving & Oneness
Another purpose sex has in marriage and in the Biblical perspective is that of self-giving. If the only purpose was to serve our spouses, it could lead to shallowness. Since one could serve without substance, and that usually leads to emptiness. The Bible therefore teaches us that self-giving is important and is embedded in the very fabric and nature of sex.
Our society teaches us that it is possible to give your body without giving your whole self. But the scripture disagrees with this. Look at what the Bible says:
3 A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. 4 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. — 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
Sam Allberry comments the following regarding this scripture:
“Notice what Paul is saying about sex. What we do sexually affects the whole body in a way that is not generally true of other things. Whether we know it or not, or mean it or not, Paul is saying that sex engages far more of who we are than merely our genitals. It involves the whole person.” — Sam Allberry
The animalistic sense that sex can be accomplished by taking rather than serving as well as self-giving is not only morally wrong but detrimental to the mental, emotional, and physical health of every party involved. There is something embedded in the fabric of sex that—even if we pretend it’s possible to perform physically and disassociate your whole self from it at the same time—makes it impossible to detach from one another.
Nancy Pearcey, in her book Love Thy Body, writes how even scientifically, it’s impossible to detach your whole self from sexual intimacy, she writes:
“…even if you think you are having a no-strings-attached hookup, you are in reality creating a chemical bond—whether you mean it or not….Sex involves our bodies down to the level of our biochemistry….The main neurochemical responsible for the male response in intimate sexual contact is vasopressin. It is structurally similar to oxytocin and has a similar emotional effect. Scientists believe it stimulates bonding with a woman and with offspring. Vasopressin has been dubbed the monogamy molecule.” — Nancy Pearcey
And because of all this, the Bible says in Genesis 2:24, “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.”
There is oneness that happens with sex, and because of the implications of this, the Biblical worldview of sex upholds a high standard and value of it, for it has a purpose of serving, self-giving, and oneness. That type of deep connection is harmful and destructive in an uncommitted relationship. It’s foolish to think that it’s possible to separate your body from your emotions. And because of this, the Bible contains sex in marriage. This is why the late Timothy Keller says:
“Sex is God’s appointed way for two people to reciprocally say to one another, “I belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you.” We must not use sex to say anything else.” — Timothy Keller
Conclusion
So, does the Bible restrict and suppress sex? Not at all. The Biblical view of sex is harmonious because it’s contained and restricted within marriage for the purpose of serving, self-giving, and oneness. However, the beautiful thing about this is that even though sex is contained in marriage, once in marriage there is an un-contained, un-restricted expression of this gift.
In wrapping up, the exploration of sex through the lens of the Song of Songs and the broader biblical narrative invites us into a richer, more fulfilling understanding of this intimate aspect of human relationships. Far from the distortions and extremes propagated by varying societal views, the biblical perspective on sex within marriage reveals a blueprint for relational depth, mutual resp